


Amnesia

by BlackBurden



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Amnesia, Homestuck - Freeform, M/M, dirkjake - Freeform, dirkxjake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 17:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBurden/pseuds/BlackBurden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final battle of the game left a few in fatal condition, but no one was in as bad a condition as Dirk, who suffered blunt force trauma to the head and was in a coma.</p><p>Fortunately, that coma lasted only a month or so.</p><p>Unfortunately, he woke up with amnesia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> I sincerely apologize for any errors in spelling, or knowledge of amnesia in this. It was 5 AM when I started writing it, and I took four and a half hours to write all of it. In one sitting. Any error I can attribute to being tired.
> 
> On the other hand! I read a fic last night, and I was just so inspired that I had to write!

The constant, almost rhythmic beeping of the heart-monitor had lulled Jake into a doze. He had been sitting in the chair beside the bed so long that he was stiff, but that didn’t matter.

A month ago, the final battle of the game had transpired. It had been long, exhausting, and brutal. Karkat was almost killed protecting John, but fortunately he came out of the ordeal alive. Dave had also been a little worse for wear as well, since he was a Strider and Strider’s tended to be headstrong and incredibly brave. Brave enough to withstand the force of an object flying at them fast enough to equal being hit by a truck.

Everyone was alive. Everyone had lived. But for one certain boy, things weren’t looking so great.

Dirk was currently lying in the bed Jake was sitting beside. He’d emerged from the danger zone rather quickly after the battle, but he remained unconscious, in a coma. No one really knew or could even guess how long he’d stay like that, but Jake hoped beyond hope that he would come out of it soon.

He just wanted him to wake up, so he could tell him he loved him and hold onto him and never let go. He wanted to apologize for pushing him away during the game, for breaking his heart. He really hadn’t realized how important Dirk was to him until he almost lost him.

The green-eyed boy’s head slowly dropped to rest on the bed beside Dirk’s arm, since he was leaned forward, and he sighed, closing his eyes. Doing so was a challenge, as he could still see images of the fight, hear voices shouting, feel the pain of various wounds ...

_“John, look out! JOHN!”_

_A shriek, a sound of pain._

_The thud of a body hitting the ground._

_“Karkat no!”_

_“John get him out of here!”_

_“He’s going to die!”_

_“Jane, help John! We are NOT losing Karkat!”_

_A roar, a sound that shook the ground._

_“Damn it Egbert, get the fuck out of here!”_

_“But Dave-“_

_“GO!”_

_They were down three._

_“We have to stall him.”_

_“How do you propose we do that?”_

_“The only way we can.”_

_“Dirk? What are you talking about?”_

_“Dirk?”_

_“Hey, Lord Stupid! Come at me!”_

_“DIRK?!”_

_That roar again._

_Dirk why?_

_A cry, a chilling sound._

_Dirk, why is that staff impaled through your chest?_

_Why are you holding his arm?_

_You’re bleeding ..._

_“Dave! NOW!”_

_Dirk, you didn’t ..._

_“Roxy, do it!”_

_You’re holding him still ..._

_“Hurry! He’s going to break his skull!”_

_You’ll die, Dirk!_

_“Ignore me! Just kill him!”_

_Roaring._

_“DIRK! NO!”_

_A massive fist smashing Dirk over the head._

_A massive fist smashing Dirk ..._

_A massive ..._

_“Jake ...”_

_A massive ..._

_“Jake, wake up ...”_

_Dirk ..._

“Jake, come on, wake up!”

Emerald eyes snapped open and Jake sat up, looking around wildly. He was panting a little, his heart racing. His vision came into focus and he found himself staring into bright, cyan.

“... Jane?”

The girl sighed, seeing he had come back to his senses, and reached over, lightly resting a hand on his shoulder. “You were having a nightmare again.”

“Ugh ... I know.”

“It’s okay, Jake. It’ll take time to get over what happened, for all of us. We’re just lucky we didn’t lose anybody.” Jane said softly, then looked at Dirk. “He’ll wake up. I know he will.”

“No you don’t.” Jake almost muttered miserably, but held his tongue, looking as well at his best friend. What he wouldn’t give to see those orange eyes again, to hear his smooth voice ...

“Why don’t you head home for a while, Jake?” Jane suggested. “You’re exhausted.”

Jake looked up at her, and then over at Dirk. “But ...”

“I’ll call you if anything changes.” Jane promised, grabbing his arm and lifting him up. “Now go.”

With a resigned sigh, Jake nodded. There was just no arguing with Jane. There never was. “’Kay ...” He walked across the room to the door, stopping to look back at Dirk and murmur an ‘I love you’, before he left.

The walk home seemed longer than usual. When he got through the door to the little house he had taken up in the town, he almost collapsed right there. He was so completely exhausted, emotionally and physically, that he just wanted to fall into a dreamless sleep and stay there until everything was better again.

It was with some difficulty that he dragged his feet to his room and dropped onto the bed. He didn’t even bother with the covers, or taking off his shoes. The extra pillow on the bed was relocated from under his head to his arms. He held the fluffy thing to his chest, hugging it tightly and letting himself believe he was hugging Dirk as the darkness of sleep took him.

 

The sudden obnoxious ringing of his phone brought Jake back from the gloom of his nightmares, and he groaned as he reached over and grabbed it. He felt even more tired than when he went to bed, but when he saw the name on the phone reading ‘JANE’, he was quick to answer, not even caring that it was two AM.

“Jane?” Jake asked, hoping that maybe she had good news, and yawned.

“He woke up, Jake.”

The adventurer scrambled to his feet, running from the room towards the door.

“I’ll be there in a jiffy.”

“Jake wait, there’s-“

But Jake hung up, darting out the door.

 

Jake ran through the doors of the hospital, darting down the hall towards the room he was so familiar with by now. Jane tried to stop him at the door but he shoved past her, not even stopping to look at Dirk as he ran over and threw his arms around him, squeezing tightly.

“Oh golly! Dirk I was so worried and oh thank God you woke up!”

The next words out of Dirk’s mouth were not the ones he was expecting.

“Who are you?”

Jake froze, pulling back. “... Huh?” He said, searching that familiar face for a sign he was joking. But his orange eyes were staring at him, clueless. Jake’s heart sank as he stood up straight and looked at Jane, who was frowning sadly. She went over, took his wrist, and tugged him from the room.

“I tried to tell you on the phone, but you hung up.” The girl said gently, as if giving some very serious news to a child. Jake wanted to believe this was just another horrible dream. He wanted to believe that so badly.

“He ... Really doesn’t remember?” He said quietly, unable to keep the horrible sadness from his voice.

“Not a thing. He didn’t even remember his name until I told him.”

The look on Jake’s face must have been soul-shattering. Jane frowned, pulling him into her arms. “I’m so sorry, Jake.”

Jake broke. He leaned heavily against her, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as if that would stop the tears. It didn’t. He wrapped his arms around her, fingers clutching at her shirt as he broke down into a sobbing fit.

“It’s not fair, Jane!” Jake cried, burying his face in her shoulder, his tears effectively soaking her shirt. “It’s not fair! I had so much to tell him, and now it won’t mean a thing! I just wanted him to know how much he meant to me! That’s all I wanted!”

“Shh, I know.” Jane said softly, rubbing his back. Tears were sliding down her cheeks as well, hating seeing her friend so upset just after finding out about Dirk’s memory loss.

It took a while, and at some point they had relocated to sitting on the couch in the waiting room, but eventually Jake calmed down again. He sniffled, pulling his glasses of and wiping tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. “Does Roxy know?”

“No. Not yet. I promised you I’d let you know, so you’re the first I called.” Jane replied, taking his hand once it was free.

“What do we do, Jane?” The adventurer asked miserably.

“We’ll just have to do the best we can and be there for him. This must be terrifying to him, you know. Waking up and not knowing who you are, where you are, or why you’re there.”

“I can’t ... I look at him and ... and I don’t see Dirk. I see a boy I don’t even know.” Jake shook his head. The boy in there was not Dirk. He looked like Dirk, sounded like Dirk, but his eyes, while still that warm, orange color, were different. They were so different.

“He needs us, Jake.” Jane frowned, squeezing her friend’s hand. “We can’t just walk out on him.”

“I’m sorry ... I just can’t.” Jake pulled away from her, getting up. Shoulders slumped, head down, he turned and walked out of there.

 

Dirk, in the other room, was sitting up in bed, trying so hard to remember the boy who had seemed so heartbroken when he asked him who he was. If he was that upset, obviously he had to know him.

But ... He really couldn’t remember. At all. That boy didn’t even seem familiar, and he could swear he had never seen his face before. The doctor-woman, she said her name was Jane, had told him he had amnesia, and that his friend from before was coming to see him.

Before? Before what? What had happened to make him forget these people? Part of him didn’t want to know. A part of him seemed to shy away from the idea, like a child backing away from an unfamiliar person. He was willing to trust that it was not something he would WANT to remember.

His orange eyes lifted to the door as it opened, and as that nice girl, Jane, came back in. “Hey.” She greeted with a warm smile. But the way she looked at him made him realize that he must have known her before too. She had that same look in her eyes that the boy had had. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess.” Dirk answered, then looked down at the blanket covering his legs. “He was really upset. I heard him crying.”

“Oh, you heard that?” Jane frowned a bit, going over to sit on the chair by Dirk’s bed. “I’m sorry you did. Jake’s just not taking your amnesia very well. Give him time; he’ll come around.”

“I hate not knowing.” Dirk muttered. “That boy, you said Jake, right? Well, he was so upset. And I get that I must have known him. But I really can’t remember a thing.”

“Hey.” Jane reached over, resting her hand over his. “Don’t blame yourself, okay? What happened, happened. And I want you to know that we’re here for you. No one is going to make you face this alone.”

She was so sincere about it that Dirk had to smile, feeling a little better. “Okay. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Jane said, smiling a little as well. “One of the other people you were close with before is coming to see you as well. She shouldn’t be so surprised; I told her what was going on.”

“Okay.” Dirk nodded. Jane got up, but he grabbed her wrist quickly. “I ... I was just wondering ... how close were Jake and I?”

Jane’s smile was a little sad this time, and she seemed to get a faraway look to her face. “You were best friends. You two even dated for a while.”

Dirk nodded and let her go then, watching her leave. Best friends, huh? Even lovers for a while. No wonder he was so upset. It bothered Dirk. The thought that he was so close with someone but at the same time didn’t feel anything at all.

But it was in that moment he decided that if anything, he was going to try and befriend Jake again. Maybe things wouldn’t be the same as before, but he wanted to at least try.

It felt only right.

 

About an hour later, a girl with blond hair similar to Dirk’s own practically pranced into the room. He looked at her, wide-eyed as she flopped down on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

What the Hell?

“Hello, Dirky! You might not remember me, but we were like the best of bros before and I ain’t gonna let a bit of memory loss change that!” She kissed his cheek, seeming unfazed by the baffled, incredulous look he was giving her. “You can always count on me, Dirky! I’m here to support ya all the way!”

“Um ... Thanks?” Dirk honestly had no idea what to say. She was certainly taking his amnesia a whole boatload better than Jake had. But her bright, cheerful disposition was reassuring, and quite refreshing after all the sadness he’d experienced all morning.

“No problem, Dirky!”

Dirk chuckled, amused, but then gave her a puzzled look. “So ... What’s your name?”

“Janey didn’t tell you? How silly of her! Silly Janey! I’m Roxy, and don’t you forget it. Haha, see what I did there?”

Okay, he REALLY liked her.

Dirk laughed. “Yeah, I see it.” He was timid when he hugged her, though, despite the fact she still had her arms around his neck and was sitting on his lap. “You’re pretty cool.”

“Damn right I’m cool! I’m as cool as ice, Dirky!”

“Actually, you’re pretty warm.” Dirk said, grinning in amusement as he playfully shoved her.

“Dirkyyyy!” She whined with mock sadness. “You’re ruining my fuuuuun!”

The boy laughed, looking up to see a smiling Jane in the doorway. A real smile this time, not a sad one. Damn, he clearly had good taste in friends if he had such awesome ones.

It dawned on him that it must not be easy for most people to deal with a loved one suddenly forgetting them completely. But these people ... Wow, he felt like he was friends with them already.

Except Jake. But he’d work on that later.

 

It was a few days yet before Dirk was allowed out of the hospital. He decided to stay with Roxy for the time-being, since she was just so fun and upbeat and not a complete downer.

During his stay at the hospital, he’d met a bunch of people, some of which didn’t even look human! But that’s okay, because they were alright. Sort of. One of the two was really loud and foul, but he sort of got that despite that he was probably a good guy. Karkat he said his name was.

Dirk had also met John, who was dating Karkat, and a coolkid named Dave who claimed that they were bros. Real bros. That was a pretty cool idea, that he had a brother. There was also Rose and Kanaya, really obviously smart and well-read, the pair of them. But Jade was by far the sweetest of them all. She was so gentle towards him, almost like she thought he would break, which he actually found kind of adorable. Terezi, another weird non-human person, and Dave had had some sort of interesting conversation Dirk failed to follow after about the time ‘sick beats’ were mentioned.

They were all so interesting, making him really wish he remembered his life before. How much history they must all have ... But thoughts like that usually brought him down, so he tried not to think too much about it.

The whole time, he couldn’t get Jake off his mind. He still felt really bad about how upset the boy had been, and it was hard for him to try and tell himself he was attached to him when he really felt nothing for him, except maybe pity because he was so damn sad.

 

A week after he’s started living with Roxy, Dirk approached her while she was cleaning up. “Hey, Roxy?” He asked, causing her to turn to look at him. She reached over, using her duster to dust his hair as if it were messy, and then smiled.

“What’s up, Dirky?”

“I was actually just wondering if maybe I could ask for some advice?” Dirk said, shifting from foot to foot nervously. He knew she wouldn’t say no, but he wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to ask.

“Go for it, yo.”

Dirk took a deep breath. “I want to talk to Jake.” He said, causing her to just smile wide and go ‘awwww’. He didn’t comment and instead continued on. “I just ... I feel so bad because he was so upset. And I want to TRY and make friends with him. Since that’s what we were before, right?”

“You two were the best of bros. For sure.” Roxy ‘hmm’ed thoughtfully, setting her duster aside. “I’m totally all for it, Dirky. But ... you have to be careful. Jake’s really unstable, and grieving terribly. I’m honestly not sure how well he’ll take it if you suddenly try to get into his life. But Hell, go for it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?”

“Right.” Dirk nodded. “But just one question.”

“What is it?”

“... How do I approach him?”

 

The next day found Dirk standing nervously outside Jake’s house. He lifted his hand to knock for the thousandth time, but then lowered it, chewing his lip. Damn it. He was so worried about how Jake might react that he was almost ready to chicken out completely.

No!

He’d made a vow to get his life as close as it was to before, or as close to what it was according to his friends, and he was going to stick to it. So with that in mind, he lifted his hand again and finally knocked.

Jake answered the door a minute later. He looked terrible. He was obviously not sleeping well, and Dirk guessed he probably wasn’t eating much either. A pang of sadness hit Dirk as he saw the other’s face light up for a brief moment, then fall again as he remembered.

“Oh ... Hi ...” Jake muttered.

Dirk was struggling to look at him. God, he looked so pitiful! “Hey ...” He greeted, silently smacking himself for having nothing better to say.

“Did you want something?”

“... Actually ...” Dirk said, then fell silent a moment. He sighed, finally blurting it out. “Look, I know I don’t remember you, or much of anything, really ... But I want to try and be friends. We were friends before, right? Roxy says we were closer than ever.”

“Dirk ...”

Dirk was so nervous he just kept talking. “And it’s just I want to try and make things like they were before and I don’t want you to be upset and you just look so horrible- have you been sleeping?”

Jake held up a hand. “I get what you’re trying to do.” He said. Dirk felt his heart sink.

“... But?” He said, just knowing there was more.

“But I just ... can’t. I ... You’re not him. You’re not the Dirk I knew. I’m sorry.” And with that, Jake gently shut the door, leaving Dirk to stare at the door and wonder just why that hurt more than he thought it would.

 

Roxy jumped up as Dirk walked in. “Well?”

Dirk looked at her, then away.

“Uh oh. That bad, huh?”

“... He said I’m not the Dirk he knew.” Dirk’s shoulders slumped. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Roxy frowned a little, such a strange look for her, and went over to him, hugging him. He hugged her back, burying his face in her shoulder, and it was at that very moment that he realized he could never really get things like they were before. That idea was just a stupid dream he had chased. Nothing was ever going to feel right.

Roxy was kind enough to try everything she could think of to cheer him up. She made pizza for them, had him watch an awesome movie, but in the end he was just miserable the whole day.

When he went to bed that night, he could hear Roxy talking over the phone to Jane, telling her what had happened. He tried to sleep. He really did. But he was so upset that his stomach was hurting.

Around midnight, Dirk’s door opened and he looked up as Roxy walked in. “Can’t sleep, huh?” She asked, seeing his orange eyes in the light from the hallway.

“No ...” Dirk muttered.

She went over, sitting on the edge of his bed. It was then that Dirk noticed she was holding something in her hands, black and oddly shaped. Before he could ask, she spoke.

“Janey and I decided we wouldn’t give these back to you.” She said, looking down at the item. “We decided maybe it was for the better. But ... Maybe we were wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Dirk asked, sitting up.

“These are your shades. You always wore them before. They were, well, your thing. You were genius, Hell, probably still are. You created a copy of your thirteen year-old self in a sort of AI and put it in your shades. You called him AR.” She chuckled a little, picking up the shades and holding them out to him. “Here. Maybe you’ll get some answers from him. And you’ll see what you were like before. AR and you weren’t very different at all.”

She waited until he took the shades before hugging him and leaving the room, leaving him alone. Dirk stared at the shades, realizing that this was the key to who he was before. Maybe talking to this AR would help him remember. He took a deep breath, then put the shades on, immediately greeted by a wall of red text.

AR: Yo, man.  
AR: What’s up?  
AR: I haven’t talked to someone forever.

Dirk wasn’t sure how to respond to the thing, so he just sort of talked quietly to himself. To his surprise, orange text of what he said appeared.

TT: Okay, so you’re supposed to be me when I was thirteen?  
AR: Yeah man. What happened? You’re different somehow.  
TT: Jane says I have amnesia.  
AR: Wow.  
AR: That blows.  
TT: Uh ... I guess?  
AR: Time to fix you up.  
TT: Fix me up? How?  
AR: Well if you’ve got amnesia you forget everything, right?  
TT: Right.  
AR: So I’ll just tell you everything. And then you won’t forget anymore. Obviously.  
TT: ... I don’t think it works that way, but I do want to know. So yeah, please do.

He spent all night talking to AR. He avoided topics of his history, since he got confused when there was talk of a ‘game’ and ‘dimensions’ and ‘space’. That was just too confusing. So instead he just asked AR simple things. His favorite color, what he liked to eat, what he did for fun, what he was supposed to act like.

Turns out he was quite the interesting character. He liked robotics, and was quite the genius with it. He could wield a sword, orange was his signature color. He even learned about his relationship with Jake, and how it hadn’t worked at all. Surprisingly, he wasn’t happy to hear that. AR said it was good he felt that way, since it proved that he was starting to remember. Dirk doubted that, since he felt no different.

At some point he passed out, exhausted. But when he woke up, he had a new plan in mind. It wasn’t really a great plan, and actually he felt kind of guilty for deciding to do it, but he wondered if maybe it would work ...

 

Several days later found Dirk standing outside Jake’s house again. He had his shades on this time, ignoring AR telling him this was a horrible idea, and he was wearing the clothes AR told him he usually wore. He even had his sword in its sheath at his hip, which Roxy had given him upon request.

He’d spent the last several days talking to AR, learning as much about himself as he could. He even listened to the history again, since he figured he may need it. But mostly he was just trying to relearn his true personality. If he wanted his plan to work, that was the biggest part.

When he knocked on the door and Jake answered, the boy sighed. “Look, I already told you-“

“I remember.”

Jake got deathly quiet for a minute, and then, “... You do?”

“Yeah, man.” Dirk grinned. “Come on, you really thought I’d stay like that forever?”

“Well, sometimes amnesia is permanent so ...” Jake said, as if he was hardly able to believe it. Dirk put a hand on his hip, rolling his eyes even though he knew Jake couldn’t see.

Silently he was patting himself on the back. So far things were going great! Jake was actually TALKING to him! Hooray!

“Really English, I thought you knew me better than that.” He said, proud of his use of sass.

Finally, Jake smiled. First a little. And then a lot. He stepped forward, hugging Dirk tight. For a second Dirk couldn’t move, overwhelmed by how much he really liked Jake’s embrace. But then he managed to remind himself to play his part and he chuckled.

“Come on now, Jake. Don’t go all mushy on me.”

“Oh screw you. I thought I truly lost you and I had so much I wanted to say to you while you were in a coma!”

“You did?” Dirk asked. This part he was allowed to be curious about. He knew. It was recent events, and Jake had apparently not told him, so ...

“Yeah ...” Jake stepped back, grabbing Dirk’s hand and tugging him inside. The adventurer lead him to his living room, sitting on the sofa and waiting for Dirk to join him, which he did.

“So what did you need to tell me?” He asked, seriously curious.

Jake looked incredibly nervous all of a sudden. He was wringing his hands together, fidgeting a little. Dirk was content to wait for him to get up the courage he apparently needed.

Finally, Jake spoke. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“For breaking your heart like I did. I was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I guess I just didn’t realize how much I love you until you were almost killed in front of me.”

That was ... shocking. Dirk sat there for a minute, staring because how the Hell was one supposed to respond to that. He knew these next words could be tricky, and maybe give him away, so he was careful about speaking.

“I was never mad at you.” He said, deciding that was probably the best thing to say. “I didn’t hate you for what happened. But I never stopped loving you either.”

Apparently that was the right thing to say, because Jake visibly relaxed, sighing. He smiled, and Dirk found he really liked seeing that look on the other’s face.

“So ... Do you think maybe we can ... try again?”

Oh God. Dirk wasn’t sure what to say. If he said no, thing would fall apart. But if he said yes, he would be making a HUGE decision he wasn’t sure he was ready for. So he waited a moment, then finally nodded. What else could he do?

“Yeah. We can.”

His talking with AR told him that he was a very forward person, so Dirk hoped he wasn’t overdoing it when he reached over and pulled Jake into a hug, kissing his cheek. Even if the action was just an act, it made his lips tingle a little. That was a nice feeling.

Jake didn’t let him go, but he pulled back enough to look at Dirk’s shades before gently lifting them off his face and setting them aside. Dirk was immediately on edge, but did his best to hide it. If Jake noticed, he said nothing.

“I really missed your eyes the most.” Jake murmured, his face turning a little red. “I know it sounds cheesy! It’s just ... I don’t know, I missed them. They’re so bright, and warm ...” He shook his head, leaning close.

Dirk had to stop himself from pulling away when Jake got VERY close. He silently freaked out when Jake was too close for comfort, but then practically melted when the other’s lips were suddenly over his own.

Holy SHIT.

It took all his concentration to push past that beautiful feeling of bliss and kiss back, reaching up to run his fingers through Jake’s hair. It was strange, but this felt sort of .... familiar. He could almost swear he remembered this, even though he knew he didn’t.

Jake pulled away after a minute, laughing a little. “Wow, Dirk. Have you been practicing or something?”

Dirk’s face heated up a little. “Pft. As if. Who would I possibly be practicing on?” He managed to say.

Jake laughed a real laugh then, a sound that was like music to Dirk’s ears. Jake just never stopped amazing him. Suddenly he could see why he would have liked him before.

Jake yawned suddenly. “Oh, sorry.” He said. “I haven’t ... been sleeping well lately.” He grinned sheepishly, looking down for a moment before suddenly brightening up. “Can we take a nap, maybe? Together?”

“Yeah, sure.” Dirk said, hoping he didn’t sound as eager as he felt. The idea of cuddling in a bed with Jake made him ... strangely happy.

The emerald-eyed boy smiled and got up, taking Dirk’s hand and heading to his room with him. He went over to his bed when they got there, flopping down and sprawling out. Shit, that was kind of sexy ...

Dirk went over to him, removing his sword from his belt before sitting down and then lying down beside Jake. His love. Is that what they were now? The idea made him shiver.

Jake was quick to snuggle right up to Dirk, who, for a moment, was too stunned to move. But then he wrapped his arms around him, hugging him close. It felt so good to be lying in bed with a warm body pressed against his own. He silently wondered how he had been sleeping before without it.

Just as Dirk was about to fall asleep, he felt Jake’s lips against his neck. Once. Twice. Three times. Dirk hummed softly in response, thankful he could pass off anything he did wrong as just being tired.

“I love you.” Jake whispered, making a shiver go down Dirk’s spine. He suddenly felt like he’d never get enough of hearing that.

“Love you too, Jake.” He murmured back, smiling a little.

Not long after Jake fell asleep did Dirk fall asleep too.

 

Dirk woke up later, noting that several hours had passed. He yawned quietly, detaching himself from Jake and getting up slowly enough that it didn’t wake the other. The other looked so peaceful when he was sleeping.

With a little sigh, Dirk found a piece of paper to write on and a pen, writing a note to Jake telling him he’d gone home because he promised Roxy to be back before dinner. He made sure to add that he’d be back tomorrow if not sooner. He set the note on the end table beside the bed and leaned over Jake, gently kissing his cheek before grabbing his sword and sneaking out the front door.

The walk home was a happy one. He felt great, better than he usually did. Jake was talking to him, and even better, they were dating! But while that was all great ... He slowed down in his walking a little, a little frown coming to his face. He was lying to Jake. Guilt began to consume him, but also confusion.

When he walked through the door, Roxy was there instantly. “Where the heck were you?!”

“With Jake.” Dirk muttered.

“... Did things go wrong again?”

“No. Actually, they went great, but ...”

“But what?”

Dirk looked down. “I lied to him.” He took the shades off his face, hooking them on his shirt, and rubbing at his eyes. “I told him I remembered, and I acted as much like the way AR said I acted before as I could. He really thinks I remember.”

“... Okay, that’s not really cool. But why do you look so upset?”

“He told me he loves me.”

“Oh. OH.”

Roxy scowled. “You really got yourself in a mess there, Dirk.”

“I know!” He half-growled, half-sighed. “But it’s just so confusing. I just wanted us to be friends, and then he came out with that, and we kissed and stuff and the thing is is that I liked it! I really did! And I kind of felt like I remembered it from before when we were apparently together but I really just DON’T remember and now I don’t know what to do!” Dirk was yelling by the end of his rant, and even crying.

Roxy sighed, stepping close and hugging him. “I know this is a confusing time for you, Dirky. And while I don’t like you lying to Jake, maybe if you spend more time with him you’ll start to remember more. You said yourself that you felt like you remembered it, like it was right there but just out of reach. Maybe he’s the key to getting your memory back.”

The orange-eyed boy took a deep breath, sniffling, and nodded. “Maybe ...”

“So as much as I hate the idea, just go with it for now.”

“’Kay ...”

 

And he did. Dirk kept up his charade, spending as much time with Jake as he could. As the days passed, he noticed that, little by little, he started to get that feeling of remembrance more and more.

One night he came home and Roxy was drunk. She greeted him with a drunken hug, and it felt different than usual. Sort of like he’d experienced these alcoholic hugs before, a long, long time ago.

Then he was having a little lunch-date with Jane to catch up, and she spoke about Jake with a fondness that made him feel like he remembered it from before. Like it had been a big thing in his life before.

It was another normal day. He was spending it with Jake again, and they were lying out in the field, enjoying the warm day. Jake seemed ... off, however. He was frowning a lot, and looked really tired. But whenever Dirk asked him about it, he just said he wasn’t feeling well. And he was more clingy than usual.

What was an act before was natural now. Dirk reached over, lightly touching Jake’s cheek. “Jake, I really think you need to nap. You look so tired. Besides, maybe you’ll feel better afterwards.”

Jake’s hand was soon over his, and he laced their fingers together. “Fine, fine.” He said. “Wake me in a few hours.”

“Wait, you’re going to nap here?” Dirk asked, baffled. They were in the middle of an open field for God’s sake.

“Sure. Why not? I used to do this all the time on my island.”

“Well, okay.” Dirk rolled onto his back, and Jake cuddled against his side, using his chest as a pillow. The taller of the two busied himself with petting Jake’s hair while he slept.

It was maybe an hour later that Dirk was beginning to doze off. Sudden movement from Jake made him start awake though, and he looked at him. He appeared to be having some sort of vivid dream, and was twitching a little. His lips were moving as if he were speaking, but he was making no sound.

Dirk let him sleep, since it didn’t appear to be a nightmare.

Things escalated quickly. In a matter of a minute, Jake went from twitching to practically thrashing and screaming nonsense. Dirk sat up a little, shaking Jake’s shoulder. “Jake! Wake up!”

Another shake later and Jake jolted upright, screaming. “DIRK! NO!”

Something snapped just then in Dirk’s head.

All of a sudden he felt a terrible pain in his chest. He choked on air, fingers clutching at his shirt. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the moment he did, he quite literally saw a life he didn’t know flash in the dark. It felt like it was taking forever, but he was quick to realize that this was HIS life. From before.

When his eyes snapped open again, he sucked in air so fast it hurt his already aching lungs. His vision was spinning, and he stared, shaken, at the grass, gasping. There was no sound, not even the sound of the wind.

Jake was shaking his shoulder; he could feel it. But he couldn’t move. He was frozen, and for a moment he thought he was dying. And then, just like that, sound registered, and the pain in his chest dulled.

“Dirk?! Dirk what’s wrong?”

Dirk was shaking as he looked at him. “I ...” He murmured, voice shaking. “I ... I remember ... I ... I ...”

“Um, yeah, we already went over this about a month ago. But are you alright? You were- ... Wait ... You ‘remember’?”

Dirk’s eyes were wide as he took off his shades and looked directly at Jake. “Yeah, I ...” He paused, realizing how badly he’d just messed up. “... Shit.”

Jake was sitting back now, scowling, arms crossed. “Are you telling me you’ve been lying to me all this time?”

“... Um ...” Jake glared, and moved to get up, but Dirk grabbed his wrist in a hurry. “Jake! Please just listen to me!”

“Why? So you can lie to me some more?” The other asked scathingly, making Dirk cringe.

“Jake, I ... Okay. Yes. I was lying about my memory. But everything I said and did was real! I really did love you, even if I didn’t remember my past.”

Jake looked at him, then sat back down, willing to listen. “How do you know?”

“I just ... When you said you loved me, for all of five minutes I went along with it. But then you kissed me, and I really felt like I knew that feeling. Like I had experienced it before. And then it was just ... Little things. Your ‘I love you’s, the way you laugh, your smile, the way you cling to my arm when you sleep ... All of it really made me feel happy, and tingly. You know, all that sappy, mushy stuff.”

Jake was quiet, leaving Dirk to sit there, terrified of what he’d say, until finally he smiled a bit. “I guess you fell in love with me all over again, huh?”

Relief swamped Dirk, and he smiled a little too. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Jake moved over beside him. “That’s incredibly sweet, you dummy.” He leaned up and kissed him quickly before frowning a bit. “But you’re okay, right? You looked like you were in a lot of pain for a bit there.”

“I was. I felt the pain of the staff, when it was stabbed through my chest. Ugh, not something I want to feel again.” When he saw the worried look on Jake’s face, he smiled and chuckled. “I’m fine now. A little shaken and overwhelmed by the suddenness of everything, but .... I’m alright. It’s okay.”

Jake sighed in relief and kissed him again. “Good.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. And Dirk?”

“Don’t you ever lie to me again.”

Dirk laughed. “Yeah, okay. Got it.”


End file.
